Comments and Critique for The Ronin

Discussion in 'Stories' started by Kaiin Retsu, Apr 1, 2011.

  1. Kaiin Retsu

    Thread Starter

    Nov 20, 2010
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    Well, here is the topic for you to comment and critique my short story, The Ronin. I know there are quite a few places that have awkward wording, but normally you do not proof read something and correct it until it is finished. This story is not finished. Regardless, I would very much like to hear what everyone has to say about it, and my writing style, which admittedly is probably totally different now than it was 4-5 years ago when I originally worked on this.
  2. kyrararen

    kyrararen Former Staff
    Former Staff

    Mar 13, 2011
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    oh, NO!!! disappointing. I wasnt able to take my eyes of it, when suddenly it reached the bottom of page!!
    No no no!! T^T
    continue it please...
    I actually quite been lazy when I saw the long posts you've made. but when I started to read the first paragraph....
    I couldnt take my eyes. I read it all at once. I like the way you tell the story from multiple point of views.
    Please let me see the whole complete story before I can tell you what I think about it.